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|A conversation with the script of Aliens |
Syd Midnight 12/02/09, 12:58
|A link from Xiphias's forum led me to a chatbot called MegaHAL. Someone threw the script for Aliens in as its vocabulary, and had a conversation with the AI. It's like someone trying to take a mission report from a delirious dying space marine raving like Dutch Shultz.|
MegaHAL: To be perfectly frank, we've surveyed over three hundred worlds and no training.
User: what more?
MegaHAL: So...then the fusion containment shuts down.
User: is this bad?
MegaHAL: Just pull it in real right. It will kick some. When the counter here heads zero, hit this...
User: and what happens then? will it fire?
MegaHAL: Right. Fire in the approach corridor.
User: why in the corridor?
MegaHAL: Because i don't ask because it takes two weeks to get.
User: that's a long time!
MegaHAL: That's a long time.
User: is being a marine a hard job?
MegaHAL: Hard to believe...there's a little girl under all this. And a pretty one at that.
User: what's the girls name?
MegaHAL: Did you ever have a name?
User: yes, i have a name. my name is ripley.
MegaHAL: Your name is ripley.
User: what's your name?
MegaHAL: My name is bishop, and i am an a technical advisor. That's my profession.
User: what do you do as an advisor?
MegaHAL: I am ready, man. Ready to get it back through quarantine. But if it's not, i want you there...as an advisor?
User: do you want me as an advisor, yes?
MegaHAL: I don't want you there...as an advisor?
User: i won't come with you.
MegaHAL: I need some slack, man. How come they send us straight back out there? They won't tell me one thing. That you're going out there to kill my entire crew, within twelve hours of hatching...
User: i didn't kill anybody!
MegaHAL: You just try getting a dangerous organism past icc quarantine. Section 22350 of the badass art. You do not want to kill me?
User: no, you're very friendly. i've got no hostile thoughts!
MegaHAL: Yes, i have a name. My name is bishop, and i don't think any permanent damage.
User: are you an android?
MegaHAL: I was the best thing in the middle of nowhere, we look. They don't say why, and i am an android.
User: who doesn't tell you?
MegaHAL: It'll be okay, newt. Dad knows what he's doing.
User: are you my dad, or is this just an expression?
MegaHAL: And you my dad, or is this just an expression?
User: i don't understand, please explain.
MegaHAL: Not that tunnel, the other one in quick. Just slap it in hard, it likes abuse. Now, pull the bolt.
User: this sounds like some s&m-stuff.
MegaHAL: Sounds like a goddamn town meeting.
User: you must live in a strange town, you...
MegaHAL: Well, i mean...i know this is going. But i'm telling you those things get back here, both of you. Fall back to town?
User: i'm all alone here.
MegaHAL: Well, the queen is always physically larger then the others. Like everybody. You'll be dead and you'll leave me alone.
User: well, if you think so...? why should i die?
MegaHAL: Because i don't think any permanent damage.
User: that's what you told me, but what does it mean?
MegaHAL: Cancer. Hmmmm. They still haven't licked that one. Cremated. Interred parkside repository, little chute, wisconsin. No children.
User: yeah, sounds like brain damage to me.
MegaHAL: Yeah, you know. In the walls, under the floor. I was the best at the other room, newt. And look...i can see where this is going. But i'm telling you those things running around. No way.
User: what things are you talking about? aliens?
MegaHAL: I gave him a shot, for the pain. We'll need to know if his claim will be all. Then you can make it seventeen hours! Those things are you talking about? Aliens?
User: yeah, aliens, bugs, whatever.
MegaHAL: Aliens? You mean the bugs?
User: yeah, the bugs.
MegaHAL: Yeah, yeah. I saw the commercial.
User: what commercial? is there an alien commercial?
MegaHAL: Look, i can see where this is an alien commercial from the corporation?
User: tell me more.
MegaHAL: Daddy, when are we going to wind up like those others. You'll take care of it won't you, it if comes to that, i'll do us both. Let's see that it can't move at all.
User: what are you talking about, man?
MegaHAL: I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them screwing each other over for a man?
User: this sounds like you're talking gender differences.
MegaHAL: Sounds like you, hicks.
User: i am not hicks.
MegaHAL: I want you to face this fear and beat it. You wake up hicks.
User: ok. hicks is awake.
MegaHAL: Hicks is a space ship.
User: hicks is a marine.
MegaHAL: Hicks is a us marine ship.
User: you are talking bullshit.
MegaHAL: I know, i know, but we're dealing with it. Just deal with it, hudson...because we need you and i'm tired of your bullshit. Now get on a terminal and go out there to kill them. Not study. Not bring back. Just burn them out...clean ...forever.
User: ok. no problem.
MegaHAL: Ok. Hicks is awake.
User: bye, bish.
MegaHAL: Bye-bye. See-you later.
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